Love

Togetherness Foreverness

Our wedding rings atop a Madeline L'Engle book about marriage that my aunt's family gave my hubby and me in honor of our nuptials - love you guys!

It has been 15 days since our wedding, and my husband is already boarding a China-bound red eye just to get away from me. Yup, I’m that insufferable…All kidding aside, if I hadn’t know about this Asian business trip several months in advance I think I probably would be drowning in paranoia right now and counting all the ways I’m apparently rapid-fire failing as a wife. It’s always easy to worry that we’re doing something wrong in our relationships after all, and the fact that married people tend to act like marriage is a secret club filled with transcendental experiences doesn’t exactly help me stave off these worries as a newlywed. I mean, am I alone in this or have you also heard innumerable accounts of “Marriage is the best!” or “You think it won’t change things, but everything feels different when you’re married!” – sound familiar? Well, as an unabashed newlywed I’ll just come out and admit to you that my life doesn’t feel all that different now than it did 15 days ago.

Sure, marriage has brought about a few changes, such as the blissful stress relief of no longer having to plan a wedding and the sneakily victorious feeling I get whenever I spot my husband’s wedding band on his finger, but – other than the elation that comes from pulling off the con of the century and convincing the most amazing man I know to commit to a lifetime with my crazy ass – our life is the same as it has been for a while. The hectic travels around the globe, the full-body sighs of crawling into bed after late nights of work, and the tireless communications have been and will be the foundation of our relationship for a long time to come. This is not to downplay the profundity of our wedding vows or the meaning behind the ring I conned onto my husband’s finger, but these things just feel like a natural (and almost inevitable) part of our relationship spectrum – part of the love story I’ve seemingly always known my sweet and I would spend the rest of our lives writing.

Ask me when I’m 70 and maybe then I’ll be able to tell you what makes marriage truly different, transcendental, and worth all the hard work and hype. Until then, I’d be tickled pink to hear your thoughts on love and commitment. Are you single, dating or married? Do you feel that you need to get married in order to be truly committed to someone? Have you always thought there would be something different about being married and that it would make your relationship exist on a whole new plane? I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment.

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6 Comments

  • Reply annette August 26, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    the changes on your website are awesome and are already encouraging further reading on my part! and I love the contrast of your rings…

    • Reply Jennifer R. Coté August 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      I’m so glad to hear you like (and notice) the changes I’ve made to the site, Annette! I’m working on a few more little web upgrades over the next few weeks, so I hope you’re a fan of those when they roll out as well. 🙂 Thanks for reading and for the wedding ring love; I took many versions of that photo until getting it right. 😉 Have a splendid weekend!

  • Reply ellie August 29, 2011 at 8:21 am

    AHh! A HUGE congratulations to you and your husband! I hope the wedding was incredible! You’re so funny, love the post.

    -Ellie

    • Reply Jennifer R. Coté August 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

      Thanks so much for the happy wedding wishes, Ellie! I’ll be sharing a few wedding posts in a week or so (once I can think about the happy day clearly enough to write about it). Happy Monday. 🙂

  • Reply Anna August 31, 2011 at 1:37 am

    Well firstly congrats on your wedding!!! How exciting – I got no inkling from the first 2 posts I’ve just read so excuse me for appearing rude in withholding my congrats haha
    I think there is so much truth in your words. Sure I’m ONLY 23, but I’ve now been with my sweetheart for 4 1/2 years. People always say how lucky we are to have found one another and how great a foundation we have but I’m quick to reply it took (& takes) time, trials and errors and compromise. I could write forever on this topic I think haha Morgs & I get one another and support each other as strong individuals but also as a couple – he gets I’m busy, I get he loves UFC (haha) – I think its’ not stressing over all the little things and not just loving your partner but LIKING them. I love morgs, but I also LIKE him for who he is a person. Thats my advice for now 🙂 I’ll enjoy checking back to see others!

    Anna xo

  • Reply Jennifer R. Coté August 31, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Thank you so much for the wedding wishes, Anna! As for your story of trial, error, and “young” love, I simply must say that I’m always fascinated to learn about how old couples were when they met each other and how long they’ve been together. Although many would disagree, I think the ways you have to work at a relationship are the same no matter whether you were high school sweethearts or met each other in a retirement home… Something I’ve heard people say about young love is: “You either grow together or you grow apart.” The thing is, I think this applies to all relationships – in order to stay together, you need to grow and overcome setbacks together. Along with all this togetherness we also need to let each other become our own individuals, as you say. Autonomy is key, and I’m digging what you say about simply liking your spouse in addition to loving him. Okay, I’ve found something we have in common, Anna – we could both go on about this topic forever. 😉

    PS: I’ll be sure to share some detailed wedding posts soon. (I’m just taking a breather from wedding-related stuff right now and trying to let the memories soak in. It all feels so surreal still, but I’ll share our wedding story soon. I promise.)

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