Indifferent exercise tip of the week: Carry a paper cup of coffee on your power walk, and you will look infinitely less active. In fact, studies show that people in tight jeans holding a big paper cup give off the appearance of standing completely still.** Not still enough to actually be made of marble, though, so you won’t look like you’re trying to win a contest for who can freeze the most like an Italian statue. After all, the life of a hipster is not as full of lame, faux artistry as the challenges of America’s Next Top Model. On the contrary, the life and exercise of a hipster is poetry in motion. When done properly all the motion is secret, of course, and this makes you a caffeinated, calorie-burning, ninja poet.
**Who does these studies? I don’t know, and I don’t care. Studies are lame. Do you think studies and exercising are lame? Leave a comment.