Hipster's Guide to Indifferent Exercise

Exercise In Disguise

You, too, can look as svelte and nonchalant as this hipster in disguise

Costumes have rapidly become a compelling branch of indifferent exercise. You may wonder how this is possible, because – by their very nature – clever disguises and costumes require a lot of effort, but there’s something about the anonymity of a mask and the subversive dignity of a well-fitted My Little Pony suit that is making incognito exercise all the rage. It doesn’t hurt that donning full-body costumes while exercising is a royal “screw you” to the mainstream-workout-apparel industry, but for our purposes the hugest benefit of this attire is that it can help us burn off IPAs with the appearance of indifference. Here’s an exercise routine for your apathetic consideration:

Get a friend to dress up in a gorilla suit and chase you down the street. This way you’ll both get exercise, but it will be completely passive because you’re being chased. Besides, no one will ever know who’s inside the gorilla suit, and you’ll look so damn awesome in your Jeggings being the one person on the block this gorilla simply can’t resist the urge to chase. I recommend trading off who wears the animal costume just to keep things fresh, and maybe even investing in multiple jungle-inspired disguises (a few other favorites include lions, tigers, and Ernest Hemingway’s mummified corpse). Added bonus: when you wear the gorilla/lion/tiger/Hemingway suit you will sweat a ton, adding to your smelly “air” of indifference and shedding water weight at the same time.

Psst: Have you ever worked out in a costume, or do you plan to do so sometime in the near future? Are there any other full-body costumes that you anticipate taking the indifferent exercise world by storm? I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment.

Photo from F* Yeah Sexy Hipster Guys via Pinterest.

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  • Reply kristina@beancakes ★ December 1, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    ahahaha!!! jennifer, i can’t say that i’ve ever worked out in a costume before, and i don’t think that i really want to haha!! this is too funny ~ i love your hipster friend w. his lion head and glass of wine = real slick!! the next time i see mascots chasing each other down the street, i’ll just know that a couple of hipsters took your sage advice on how to exercise in disguise! this is great!! hope you had a great thursday jennifer {p.s. is that your man in the photo?!} 😉 😉
    xoxo ~ kristina

    • Reply Jennifer R. Coté December 3, 2011 at 10:52 am

      Haha, no that’s not my man in the photo. (It’s a photo I found on Pinterest that just made me scream and laugh about how perfect it was for this post. As much as my husband is boundlessly supportive, I’m thinking his loyalties might stop at posing bare-chested in a lion’s head for all the world to see. 😉 Perhaps I should test his loyalties, though.) 😉

  • Reply Laine Griffin December 5, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Okay, that is great. I just had flashbacks of Jackass, back when Jackass was totally funny! The looks on people’s faces…lol!

    • Reply Jennifer R. Coté December 5, 2011 at 5:18 pm

      The looks on people’s faces really would be priceless upon seeing a My Little Pony chase a full-grown hipster down the street, wouldn’t they? 😉 Thank you for indulging my strange sense of humor, Laine!

  • Reply Sweater Equity | coté writes January 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    […] books of professional boxers. Although I first praised the benefits of toasty exercise gear in this post about disguises, we don’t always need to power walk in animal costumes in order to enjoy the benefits of […]

  • Reply Hipsters Unleashed | coté writes March 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    […] We all must pay homage to the skinny-jeans gods afterwards, however, and burn off all those IPAs by running around town in a giant chicken costume. So, my indifferent darlings, did this Los Felia comic make you scowl ironically while laughing on […]

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