Costumes have rapidly become a compelling branch of indifferent exercise. You may wonder how this is possible, because – by their very nature – clever disguises and costumes require a lot of effort, but there’s something about the anonymity of a mask and the subversive dignity of a well-fitted My Little Pony suit that is making incognito exercise all the rage. It doesn’t hurt that donning full-body costumes while exercising is a royal “screw you” to the mainstream-workout-apparel industry, but for our purposes the hugest benefit of this attire is that it can help us burn off IPAs with the appearance of indifference. Here’s an exercise routine for your apathetic consideration:
Get a friend to dress up in a gorilla suit and chase you down the street. This way you’ll both get exercise, but it will be completely passive because you’re being chased. Besides, no one will ever know who’s inside the gorilla suit, and you’ll look so damn awesome in your Jeggings being the one person on the block this gorilla simply can’t resist the urge to chase. I recommend trading off who wears the animal costume just to keep things fresh, and maybe even investing in multiple jungle-inspired disguises (a few other favorites include lions, tigers, and Ernest Hemingway’s mummified corpse). Added bonus: when you wear the gorilla/lion/tiger/Hemingway suit you will sweat a ton, adding to your smelly “air” of indifference and shedding water weight at the same time.
Psst: Have you ever worked out in a costume, or do you plan to do so sometime in the near future? Are there any other full-body costumes that you anticipate taking the indifferent exercise world by storm? I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment.