Browsing Tag

Jennifer R. Cote

Hipster's Guide to Indifferent Exercise

Exercise In Disguise

You, too, can look as svelte and nonchalant as this hipster in disguise

Costumes have rapidly become a compelling branch of indifferent exercise. You may wonder how this is possible, because – by their very nature – clever disguises and costumes require a lot of effort, but there’s something about the anonymity of a mask and the subversive dignity of a well-fitted My Little Pony suit that is making incognito exercise all the rage. It doesn’t hurt that donning full-body costumes while exercising is a royal “screw you” to the mainstream-workout-apparel industry, but for our purposes the hugest benefit of this attire is that it can help us burn off IPAs with the appearance of indifference. Here’s an exercise routine for your apathetic consideration:

Continue Reading

Hipster's Guide to Indifferent Exercise, Sweet Nothings

Coffee In Motion

In reality this girl is running a marathon, but see how motionless the coffe cup makes her look?

Indifferent exercise tip of the week: Carry a paper cup of coffee on your power walk, and you will look infinitely less active. In fact, studies show that people in tight jeans holding a big paper cup give off the appearance of standing completely still.** Not still enough to actually be made of marble, though, so you won’t look like you’re trying to win a contest for who can freeze the most like an Italian statue. After all, the life of a hipster is not as full of lame, faux artistry as the challenges of America’s Next Top Model. On the contrary, the life and exercise of a hipster is poetry in motion. When done properly all the motion is secret, of course, and this makes you a caffeinated, calorie-burning, ninja poet.

**Who does these studies? I don’t know, and I don’t care.  Studies are lame. Do you think studies and exercising are lame? Leave a comment.

Photo from Feelings Might Surface via Pinterest.

Hipster's Guide to Indifferent Exercise, Sweet Nothings

Every Hipster Poops

Converse experiencing a minor emergency in the name of indifferent exercise

Judging from the title of this post, you may think I’ve scurried off on a tangent and have no intention whatsoever of imparting valuable insight about indifferent exercise today. But, au contraire, the lesser-mentioned bodily functions of the hipster universe are actually a major part of indifferent exercise. You see, when you elect to work out in a more subtle manner than going to a painfully obvious gym, chances are you’re working up a sweat outside and are exposed to all sorts of calls of nature (yours and otherwise). Here are some quick fixes to help keep you burning calories straight on through fields of cow manure, while keeping everyone none the wiser…

Continue Reading

Hipster's Guide to Indifferent Exercise, Sweet Nothings

The Hipster’s Guide to Indifferent Exercise

Broken neon-green shades are just a casualty of indifferent exercise

Do you ever see a hipster’s legs looking so damn svelte in skinny jeans and wonder, “How does he do it?” I know I do; fitting into tight pants takes a lot of work, and concealing all this hard work from the world requires even more effort. Lucky for you, me, and that pudgy poser over there wearing a fanny pack and Christmas knee socks, the veil is finally being lifted from the skinny-jeans secret. With The Hipster’s Guide to Indifferent Exercise, you, too, can get a complete workout without letting on to the world that you’re actually trying. Just to give you a taste of what to expect from this pragmatic column in the weeks to come, let’s start by tackling the three biggest wardrobe issues facing indifferent exercisers today…

Continue Reading

Sweet Nothings

LARKSTORM Cover Reveal

“Larkstorm” by Dawn Rae Miller, cover art by Sarah Marino

You are now one of the first people on the planet to see the cover of Dawn Rae Miller’s debut young-adult novel “Larkstorm.” When the characters and epic love stories of this book are famous, you’ll be able to say you saw this glimpse of the cover first – yeah, that’s right, you saw it even before this hauntingly beautiful image hit the presses. Pretty rad, eh?

Continue Reading

Sweet Nothings

Complementary Colors

Paint-streaked brick building

My best friend from childhood once decorated her college dorm room in vibrant blues and oranges. From the moment this sea of complementary colors enveloped her room, she wondered aloud whether the oil-pastel drawings covering the walls and swaths of patterned, Indian fabrics draping the bed and windows would make her dizzy with the way the hues buzzed off each others’ surfaces. But, I loved everything about them and came to associate orange and blue with my home away from home. I would take Amtrak to visit her for long weekends on her campus, which was just outside New York City, and we would stay up far too late listening to piano-driven pop music and talking about art, what little we knew of love, and our dreams. Everything about our futures seemed so limitless back then, and – the funny thing is – merely thinking about this friend’s pastel drawings and our endless conversations makes my future feel similarly boundless even now…

Continue Reading

Sweet Nothings

The Dear Hunter

My dad carrying me on his back through the woods of Massachusetts

My parents met while teaching at a school for deaf boys, which meant both that they were fluent in sign language and liked a certain degree of quiet. This last bit has always been particularly true of my dad, a man who’s been known to disappear for whole days on nature trails and has read every single Russian or French novel that’s ever weighed in at over 1,000 pages. Fittingly, my sisters and I bonded with him over mellow activities in our childhood – be it through exploring Boston’s Arnold Arboretum, dissecting the characters of “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” or taste testing pizzas all around New England. Another quiet obsession he tried to draw us into long ago was that of deer hunting, err gazing…

Continue Reading

Inspiring Tidbits, Sweet Nothings

Why I Write

Typewriter, flowers and coffee – I wish my writing set up looked like this

It can happen somewhere as simple as a doctor’s office or cafe, but all it takes is a glimpse of medical scrubs or chef’s whites and I’m a goner. I drift into a daydream in which I wake up to morning sun as gentle as lemonade and a kitchen sink that isn’t full of dishes, and then I pack a thermos of soup for lunch and ride my bike to work in a neatly starched uniform. At the office, I file things away the moment they cross my desk, make a difference in people’s lives for hours on end, and then maybe rehearse for a community theater production of “Pippin” before biking home for dinner. Once I get to this point in my fantasy, an optometrist usually jars me awake with, “Now, cover your left eye,” and I look back at him/her with what can only seem like the most psychotic brand of puppy-dog infatuation on the planet. Yeah, that’s right: I fantasize about being an optometrist. I realize this may sound insane, considering many an optometrist, chef, or meter maid out there probably fantasizes about being a writer on a regular basis, but what can I say? I feel there’s something positively dreamy about uniforms, office hours and designated stopping points…

Continue Reading

Sweet Nothings

Almost Home

Doesn’t Sarah Maingot’s photograph of warm socks and breakfast make you instantly feel at home?

What makes a place feel like home? Is it the freedom to eat breakfast for dinner whenever you please, the smell of your favorite shampoo, or simply the people you share it with? I remember spending childhood summers at my cousin’s house on Cape Cod and I fondly recall all the strange yet wonderful sensations that told me I was far from my own home. For starters, there were vast backyards of running space unlike anything that existed in Boston, the excruciatingly itchy bites of beach flies, and the pruned fingertips that came from afternoons spent in the deep ends of swimming pools. One such deep end belonged to my cousin’s grandmother, and – because back then I found this concept of swimming pools outside of the YMCA let alone in someone’s home particularly exotic – I would plead with my cousin to spend whole days “backyard swimming.”

Continue Reading

Sweet Nothings

Southern Comfort

An old VW Bug painted like the state flag of Texas, which I spotted on the streets of Austin a few weeks ago

Once upon an abandoned parking lot in 2005 there lay a dead bird and an industrial-sized snow scraper atop sweltering Texan asphalt. It was the middle of March and I had just moved to Austin three days prior without a single job prospect or acquaintance as far as the eye could see, and this mammoth snow scraper had become my weapon of choice in lieu of a knight in shining armor on speed dial. About an hour earlier, I’d set out to Home Depot with the simplest intention of buying an extra can of “Orange Rose” paint so I could finish my living room walls, but the universe had other plans… Just as I was turning onto a highway access road and hitting the accelerator, no less than 30 young birds alighted off the ground at a nearby street corner. I’m sure there is a mathematical equation that could explain how my speed times their velocity and the gusty winds equaled fatal contact, but who needs numbers when you’ve got visceral dings, splats, and oozes of green slime?

Continue Reading